Rock me like a hurricane

Well here I am, still alive!  I would say "nothing has happened to me", but that isn't true at all!  Life obviously happens all the time around us, and this last little while I have decided to jump in head first! :]

Time seriously flies when I'm not blogging. (which is basically always). I just can't believe its been sine June!  August rolled around and it was beard's Bradley & I's one year anniversary! Talk about time flying...I won't even get started on that one!  We decided to take our anni trip to Hampton Beach - good place folks! It reminded me alot of Myrtle Beach, SC. Our hotel was right across the road from the beach, and there was a boardwalk with lots of shops and food places to walk (and people watch) if we so felt like it.  I felt my husband's love alittle deeper the day we decided to go hit up a couple of the salvation armies, i love when my thrifting expands to different states. :]

Summer always seems to be a busy time for us, softball season is going full swing (for both of us this year...please don't' ask me my batting average...) and I don't honestly know where all the rest of the time goes, but it sure goes somewhere!

When September rolled around we took a breath, and then got the news of our lives (thus far)...positive pregnancy test ya'll!! I can't really explain to you how I felt that night.  This was something I had been wishing and praying for for as long as I can remember (of course when I was in highschool it was future-wishing) , I'm pretty sure I wasn't able to totally process the reality of it.  We wasted no time telling our immediate family & friends, I always knew that was a journey I was not going to travel on my own. The whole weekend most of my thoughts were consumed with the fact that I was INDEED pregnant. I think that probably happens to everyone throughout the 9 months of carrying their baby, they may lead a seemingly normal day, but somewhere in their brain they KNOW and are CONSCIOUS and IN TUNE with the fact that they are pregnant.  Although if you had asked me a month or two after being married if I was ready for a baby I would have for sure told you Yes Ma'am!!, I felt like the timing of this pregnancy was solely from God.  He had given us 1 year of marriage together, to concentrate on the two of us, get to know each other deeper and appreciate each other more.  I think it also came down to a trust thing as well, I can tend to lean towards the independent side, and I think I needed to surrender my deepest desires to God, and let him shape them and form them into his own plan. The week before I found out I was pregnant we had camp meetings at church.  It was kinda a "debbie downer" week for me, as it could be at the end of another month not achieving pregnancy. I can't remember what night it was, it maybe have been the last, or next to last.  The night BEFORE this one, the message was about bringing your deepest desires before God, and lay them at his feet.  Although he knows all of our wishes, sometimes it just does something to verbally express them I think.  Maybe to hear ourselves outloud detailing them before our Father. My first thought upon hearing these types of message is always "Please God, let me be a mother, NOW". (wow, how demanding do I sound?) So anyways, so THE night that I was talking about originally.  I can't remember exactly what the message was about, but during the afterglow there were people being prayed for, mostly for physical healing.  I was sitting in my seat just praying from afar for different situations or needs that came to mind.  A dear friend from our church heard a word from the Lord, and took the mic and voiced it.  He said he felt like God wanted the barren wombs to be spoken to, that they may be fruitful and multiply.  We won't even talk about how that hit me like a ton of bricks faster than my brain could probably process it, and I broke down, somethin crazy.  But I'd rather not get into that. :] The moral of this, is that this fellow had the guts to deliver that word. Cummon, that could have felt alittle strange, single guy speaking to women's wombs?  The Lord works in all kinds of ways here....and I believe that me finding out DAYS later that I was pregnant, was in part due to that courage.  So with that background story, I thought, wow God your timing is SO perfect.  And what a great story and encouragement will come from this, for people to follow your prompting which touches other's lives in ways they may never know!

For the record, I STILL believe that God's timing is perfect.  And he knew what he was doing in this situation.  And that STILL can be an encouragement for people who might try to squelch those seemingly unimportant or ackward whispers that are divine.

But God's timing is not always our own. Days after the joy of finding out we were pregnant, I miscarried.

I tried to be optimistic that day through the crampy feelings, but mostly failed, and broke down numerous times.  When the bleeding started, it was even more difficult.  I still tried to think positive, that maybe everything will be alright and another miracle will happen. And then, when it was definite that I had lost the baby,  I just held on ever so tightly to the fact that we had finally achieved pregnancy, and that there would be more to follow.  It didn't dull the the pain of losing the baby God had given us, only to take back so quickly to look down on us from above.  I was not far along, probably 6-7 weeks, and only knew I was officially pregnant for a handful of days, but oh the hopes and aspirations I had for our baby already! Our first baby will always be in my thoughts, and that joyful and painful time is something I will NEVER forget.  I realized that miscarriages were something I would hear about fairly often, mostly from older women having had them decades ago, and I probably didn't have much sympathy for them.  Mostly because these women would have a handful of healthy children that they were able to raise as well. But let me tell you, now the thought of someone experiencing that process almost (and often does) brings tears to my eyes.  Because it is loss of a child.  I don't care if you are 6 weeks or 6 months along.  YOU were carrying YOUR precious child.  You had made plans for them.  They were a conscious part of your being.

I may talk more about my experience in the future, but that's all I want to say right now.  I think in subtle ways it has changed me.  Matured me maybe?  I'm  not sure.

following that emotional time, I decided to retire from the job I have had for 4 years.  I was very set in my assistant manager position there, but just didn't have the drive to go tackle the day's problems like I used to.  I noticed it most when I would come back from being gone for a few days.  Used to be I'd be ready to go in and see what I'd missed.  Lately, I didn't want to know! So I decided that it was time for me to do more of the stay-at-home thing, before I got sour and ruined relationships with people I liked and had worked with for so long! I finished out September, and then I was done.  I sometimes miss the problem solving there, and definitely miss the interaction with the people I saw daily.  But I really don't miss it, over all.  I like having more time at home (truthfully, I don't even know how I had time to work the way my schedule looks now!).  I still cut hair, which is my first pick for work hands down.  And I also do some escorting driving (not as scandalous as it sounds, I promise) for the over-sized loaded trucks a couple of times a week.  That definitely keeps me busy, on top of my social life and keeping our house a home.

Speaking of homes, we are buying a new one!  My father turned 80 this year, and we decided it was time for him to not live alone.  So we started a house hunt for one big enough to move him in with us. We found one that we really like about 3 miles from where we live now, which is perfect.  We like our location, a few miles from the inlaws, a few miles from Brad's work, and central for my hair clients.  We currently have an accepted offer, and now we are just waiting for a closing date.  Hopefully I will be able to update on that soon!  The place will take alittle work before we can actually  move in, and Theeen the real work (tehe) will begin, making the house OUR home.  I'm stoked though, and excited to get decorating and nesting!

So that's me for now.  Quite a lengthy blog, but I guess thats what happens when I let MONTHS pass by.  another win with this house, is hopefully we will set up a better internet option, and not one that eats us out of house and home! ;]

Ta ta for now lovelies!