Is It Hard?

I've had some serious blogger's block ya'll. It's not that I didn't have topics to write about-some really good ones actually. It's just I couldn't make myself sit down and write them. I slowly got suspicious that I knew what was in the way.

I didn't want to "get in my own head".

Writing does that, it makes you sort out your thoughts/feelings enough to put the right words together.

I don't think it's uncommon for people (not saying unkind people, I'm talking friends and family) ask the question "Is it hard...". Is it hard for you to hear that so-and-so is pregnant? Is it hard to see so-and-so start dating? Is it hard to know that so-and-so has all of her grown children close by?

This post is just my own feelings, I'm not speaking for others (obviously). But to me, the answer to the pregnancy question is usually always No. Because No, I'm not sad to see my friends pregnant. To me, every single baby is such a huge miracle and I have no hard feelings against that. I love babies, so why wouldn't I want to have people close to me bring more into my life?

If you asked me "Is it hard to know that it will 9 months+ until you will have your own?" or "Is it hard to know that you can do some of your daily activities with ease because your little ones never made it full term?" or "Is it hard to go to yardsales knowing that you don't need any of the adorable baby clothes you see?" or "Is it hard feeling like you should volunteer for more because you have no reason not to?" or "Is it hard feeling un-justified to feeling like you need a nap in the middle of the day because you had no nightly feedings?" then it might be different. While I have no hard feelings against pregnant friends...I have times when I have hard feelings against daily life that under different circumstances would look so different for me right now.

When we go through tough things in life, I feel like good/bad days come in waves. Overall I've felt like God has given me a lot of un-explainable peace through my miscarriages. But I'm not going to say it's always easy. I find that when I go through a lower stage, I want little to nothing to do with blogging, journaling, or anything that would make me "go there". Instead, it's common for me to get suuuuper productive. Paint everything in sight, re-organize something, you get the idea. Not that those are bad ways to spend my time, they are just good distractions.

I guess I don't know what direction this post was suppose to go in exactly, I just know it's been on my heart to write for a couple of days. Maybe just to remind you to not be afraid to share your exciting news with a friend who you know has the same desires. Instead, use the reminder to pray for them where they are and stand with them in trusting God to work out the details of their story.

I will end by saying if any of you have asked me any of these questions, please do not feel bad, or that I am upset by them at all. I always felt like in the past they were hard questions to answer in a way that conveys my feelings truthfully, and now that I've figured that out I wanted to share.