Shine Through Heartache

My goodness...where has the time gone? I think that every time. I promise my goal is NOT to be an "every two week poster". Give me a little time, and a few posts and maybe it will all make a little more sense to you. I feel like I have 3-4 different posts swirling around in my head, and I don't really know which one should be written first. But this morning I decided if I put much time into figuring that out, more days would pass. So I'm just going to jump into the most recent, and fresh on my mind.

In the last month I've had extreme joy, bitter heartache, and a good vacation.  Surprised I'm not an emotional wreck? :] I'm doing OK, really. In the midst of this, my dear mother-from-my-mister gave me a copy of a daily devotional book that she said was given to her in a difficult time of life.  I've been reading the daily entries, and boy did yesterday's ring true.

I'm going to just copy word-for-word a section of the reading [hopefully I don't get arrested for copyrighting]. Sit and read it for a second, and let it sink in.

         "We tend to feel we are doing the greatest good in the world when we are strong and fit for active duty and when our hearts and hands are busy with kind acts of service.  Therefore when we are set aside to suffer, when we are sick, when we are consumed with pain, and when all our activities have been stopped, we feel we are no longer of any use and are accomplishing nothing. 
         Yet if we will be patient and submissive, it is almost certain we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering and pain than we were when we thought we were doing our greatest work.  Then we are burning, and shining brightly as a result of the fire."

Wow.  I totally get that. I feel like this sums up what I've been trying to tell people about my miscarriage experiences, but they worded it much better than I ever could.  "If we are patient and submissive, it is almost CERTAIN we will be a greater blessing to the world around us during our time of suffering..." That's what I'm talking about.  I feel like by being open and honest about what has been happening to me, someone somewhere (hopefully multiple someones) is being touched, spoken to, or possibly starting their own healing process by re-visiting their own heartache in the soft meaty part of their own heart.

I felt like by now EVERYONE knew what has been happening, but I kinda realized that wasn't the case.  I talked with family/friends locally, family/close friends different places, and blogged about it.  Last week I decided to post a simple status on Facebook, to the tune of "Last week our 3rd baby went to Heaven. Do me a favor, hug your big ones/little ones/baby bumps a little more, & be sure to treasure each moment you have with them." , and I was pretty blown away by the comments/messages I got from that.  Just so much support, some from people who I know have been involved with the process, but also from some who I think had no idea what's been happening. I'm so appreciative of each and every one of you. You give me strength to carry on. To each of you who have also spoken up and said "me too" - my heart breaks for you.  I pray for you that you can lean on God, whether this is a fresh wound or an old scab. I hope you have allowed His love to work in you to healed all your hurts.

I by no means would have wished for these losses, but they have changed me, and opened my eyes to some things that I missed before.  It's all part of a journey that will continue to shape me into the woman of God that I am striving for. Sometimes the feelings it gives me is difficult to put into words, other times they just flow, and I do my best to capture the thoughts and put them on paper.

So if you have loved me and prayed me through this - Thank you.
And if you are experiencing this or a tough journey of your own right now - I love you, I'm with you, I'm praying for you, and you WILL make it through. Take heart, dear friend.